Info:: Three years ago I used a chat room occupied by many
people in the 40-something age group. We all became very close and
have met in many different ways. There was a man using that chat
room at the time that everyone really liked a lot. He seemed like
a very honest person who just liked to gab in the chat room, and make new
friends. He lived here in Virginia. He grew up in Michigan,
as did I and we struck up a conversation.
I was living in New Hampshire at the time, and not looking to have
a relationship with someone so far away. I didn't think it was something
he even THOUGHT of doing himself. He just plain felt like a "friend"
here. He wasn't online for very long back then. His modem
was hit by lightning, and he never replaced it. I even sent him a spare
one that I had in wanting to just help my friend out. The modem wouldn't
work in his system, so he never did get online again. He called
me from time to time over a two year period just to say hello and it always
gave me a smile, and a feeling that I did have a good friend.
There was never anything romantic between us and I never had any notion
or feeling of wanting there to be. I just thought of the man as a
good friend and in a way like a "brother". He had told me that he
had gone through a lot, and had been hurt by many women in his life.
That one had been very abusive. That he was just working, living
alone, and hadn't dated since he moved from Maine to Virginia.
A little over two years later I came to Virginia for a short vacation,
and I met him in person. Again, this was with no romantic intentions
on my part at all.. and I honestly thought he had no interest in
me in that way either. But, while here something seemed to
click between us.. surprise to me. I came down to see him again,
and we wound up deciding we wanted to take a chance. He felt
SO much like my best friend, and having been in his home already and having
met his parents and feeling I really knew this man it felt right.
I felt very good about how it all had happened, very good about this
friendship. I quit my job, pretty much used up my savings,
gave away a lot of my belongings, and moved from New Hampshire to Virginia
to be with him.
Very shortly after I moved in he was so different then he had
been on my previous trips. I noticed that he constantly drank,
always beer. In fact it was the ONLY liquid he did drink.
Most times as much as a 30 pack of Budweiser every two days. He fell
asleep on the sofa most nights, I should say passed out. And
I started realizing that he never really listened to me. Our long
conversations were always very much about him. If not he would turn
away and play with his dog and totally ignore what I was talking about.
He was very self involved. He many times didn't go to work,
or came home early and he ALWAYS took a cooler of beer to work with him.
I found a scrapbook one afternoon only a couple of weeks after
moving in with him. It contained an online ad from a singles site
on the net, and some messages between him and a young woman.
This was a woman he had told me moved in with him, and was only a room
mate... she was MUCH younger then him and his story was that he was helping
out a lady he did some work for and giving her daughter a place to stay
for a "short time" The scrapbook however told me otherwise.
I looked through it and it hurt a lot as I had to realize he had lied to
me. I didn't quite understand why he had lied as prior relationships
are not important.. it was after all the past. But, why all
the extreme details of how he met her, how she came to live there?
He had even while online the 2 years previously said NOTHING about
having a roommate and said he was living alone. He talked about
his cat, and then when I moved down here told me it had run away and he
had no idea what happened to it. Well, I came to find
the cat belonged to his woman; that she brought him with her and
took him with her when she left. When I showed him the scrapbook
and asked him why he hadn't been honest with me he denied it all and told
me it wasn't as it seemed.
He then made up even more stories to try to cover it up.
I spoke with a friend of his, and with his father a couple of weeks
later and was given the truth. There was a very much a relationship
and she had left him after living with him for over a year.
She had put up with the drinking and the emotional and verbal abuse for
much longer then I was willing to. I came face to face with a realization
that this man whom I had thought of as a very real friend and TRUSTED so
much so that I changed my life around totally for him had not been honest
with me about anything.
His cruelty extended to pushing me onto the deck one evening
during an electrical storm and locking me outside. HE walked around
laughing and drinking a beer during this. I wound up scared,
jittery, jumpy.. never knowing what he was going to do or say to me next.
When faced with the fact that everyone else had told me the truth he STILL
continued to deny it all and the abuse and drinking got worse. I
finally felt I had NO choice and called a mover, had my things moved
out while he was at work.
He harassed me endlessly for weeks. I had to call the police
to make him stop the phone calls. HE ran out and bought a new computer
and got internet access within days after I moved out and proceeded to
fly off harassing and very cruel emails to me. I had his ISP put
a stop to that very fast. His only reason? He was mad
that I moved out without telling him and told me I deserved whatever I
got because of it. I feel certain he is online now looking
for someone else to do this to. Someone whom he will tell he has
had bad luck with women.
I've already discovered he has told people that I am violent, and psychotic..
that he has a restraining order against me (he does not) and that I threatened
him with a knife. Funny.. he had told me I was the one
person on the face of the earth he would trust with a knife in my hand.
Well, my life has drastically changed here. I'm about 25 miles from
where he is, unable to move further away at this point. Luckily
found a good job and I'm trying hard to move on with my life. I do
know that I don't trust men at all now and I'm working hard to NOT let
myself be cynical and skeptical about every word they say.
BUT.. it is scary at just how well this man does lie and how believable
he is. I'm not saying ONLINE.. I'm saying FACE TO FACE.
Even his family doesn't see it.. he comes across as the
nicest man in the world and I LIKED this person and respected him a lot.
All I can say is that we need to remember to take our time and not be in
a rush to have something work. I'm doing what I can here
to move forward with my life and hoping the "demons" from what he has done
to me will vanish sometime soon.
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