I am a 38-year-old British Columbia woman who met a man in July of 1998 online through the personals one and a half years ago. He told me he was 30 years old and he was spending the summer months in a small town in northern B.C. to work with disabled children. During the regular months, he told me he owned a townhome in Victoria, B.C. and worked in an elementary school as a councellor for difficult children. His trade was as a social worker. He sent me his photo and told me he had immigrated 11 years prior from Africa.

During the last few years in Africa, he said his parents had been shot in racial war before his eyes. His life was never the same after that. His brothers and sisters fled with him and he ended up in Ethiopia where a Canadian man ended up sponsoring him to come to school in Saskatchewan, Canada. So, he moved. He met a woman in school and fell in love. She was from Edmonton. They got engaged within 6 months and were to be married in the winter. She died in a car accident one month before they were to be married. After that, he moved to B.C. to get on with his life. He told me she was his only love.

Anyway, after many emails every day, as well as numerous phone calls, he flew to meet me. We connected so beautifully and I fell in love rather quickly... very deeply, and head over heals. He wanted to get a job near me. He ended up flying here to see me three times... each for a period of about 4 or 5 days. We spent so much time together. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. He said his uncle in Africa was rich and would give him between $500,000 to $800,000 dollars when my friend was ready to marry and settle down. So... we spent several days and numerous hours of research to find a home. He negotiated with real estate agents, etc. And finally we found a beautiful house we both loved. He put an offer on a $288,000 home. He tried phoning his uncle to get the money transferred... this process took a long time.. and of course... it was not happening fast enough. There were many, many delays.

It came to the point where he had to let the house go because the money had not been transferred. He was upset. By this time, 3 months had gone by. I was feeling uncertain and wondering some things because he was quite a secretive man... He was planning on moving to the area and had a job waiting for him. He said his job was over in the small town, he had sold his townhome in Victoria and was ready to go. To make a long story short... I tried to contact him the day he was leaving to move down here. I couldn't locate him. He had finished working 3 weeks before he moved, and so he wouldn't be at the office. I tried there anyway and got his boss. I asked for him. She said he was with a client. I said "with a client?". She said yes... "It's his (my friend's) last day at work today". I said "really"... he works there? She replied "yes... he's worked here for3 years!"... my heart sank. I tried to get information from his boss, but she could tell something was not right and would not!
 talk to me.

I was totally freaked out. He had the keys to my car, my house, and knew everything about me. I hired a private investigator a few days after that, but I ended up finding out more info. on my own. I contacted a friend from Africa who I knew and he knew some Africans from the little town where my lying friend lived. So... he called and asked about him. It ended up that he was married with 5 children, and went bankrupt. He owned no property, had no rich uncle, no fiance that had died, and his parents were still alive... there were lies upon lies upon lies... It was an incredible web he had woven.. without blinking an eye. He was the smoothest liar I have ever came across in my life. And.. he had no guilt in doing so. He always had a sweet smile on his face.

That in a nutshell is my nightmare... it continued on from that for quite a while (my own stupidity, and his own manipulative ways of lying).  Now I have a huge distrust for most men, and require total validation before I get too close. However, I do not regret my experience because it taught me invaluable lessons, as well as it taught me about myself and my strengths. I live in shame now though.. which is the most difficult thing. I don't want my parents to know what happened... they raised me to know better. I sought a counsellor after that who told me this man was a pathological liar and a sociopath. I learned a lot about these types of personalities and traits. Unfortunately there are a lot of sick predators out there.

Anyway, I recommend all people who meet online, whether male or female, get to know the person and especially have validaton. Talk to people who know them. Get phone numbers... work numbers... addresses... call them regularly. See where the person lives. If they cannot provide you with any of this... there is something seriously wrong. And.. if they can't look you in the eye... that is a big red flag!!!!!

This experience also has not disheartened me to online dating and romance. I have since met some wonderful people and made some good friends. It's like any source of meeting people... you never know. My sister met a man through some friends once and married him. He ended up being a pedofile... so, you just never know.